Like adults, children too experience anxiety and make attempts to overcome this anxiety. For example, a child knows what he must do to avoid punishment. Anxiety in children depends on their age. For an infant, anxiety is produced when his biological needs are not met or when he senses change or aloofness in his surroundings. Gradually, the child's "ego" develops, i.e. the awareness that his body is different from the other external objects. It is then that social situations also start evoking anxiety. For example, a 3 year old experiences anxiety on his first day at school and expresses it by clinging on to his mother and crying. However, a 10 year old who has to go on a day & night camp for the first time also feels the same anxiety, but he will express it differently.
Just as adults need help and guidance sometimes, when they are unable to adjust to their life situations, children also need help. However, they will be unable to recognize that they need help and will certainly not ask for the same. Hence, the child will adopt some coping patterns which may be faulty. The problems that the child faces are commonly:
# when a younger sibling is born,
# when the child is made to sleep alone for the first time
# Any fear producing experience, in reality or seen in T.V., films, etc.
# when there is a family quarrel
# when there is some fear-producing event/person in school.
# Parents are in the process of getting a divorce or they are divorced recently
# Death of a parent or some other significant person
# Child abuse - mental or physical
# Lack of attention and time from parents
How do you know that your child needs help? Here are a few indicators:-
Bed-Wetting: If a child starts wetting his bed frequently, even after properly acquired toilet-training, it is a very clear indication that he is either insecured or very frightened.
Negativism: It is the tendency of the child to refuse to do whatever is told by his/her elders. The child does not pay any heed to instructions. It is a form of rebel by children.
Phobias: Fear is one of the earliest emotions experienced by children. It is natural for the child to be afraid of specific objects, situations or persons (Example: fear of an animal, fear of darkness, fear of bearded men,etc.). However, when the fear interferes with the child's normal day to day activities, he/she will need assistance, (Example: the child is so frightened of dogs that he refuses to go out of the house, whether or not there is a dog nearby).
Separation Anxiety: Every child is specially attached to one parent or another significant person. When the child is extremely anxious about being separated from that person and fears that he/she will never be reunited with the person, such a reaction is usually expressed by crying, clinging on to the person, tantrums,etc. Commonly, it is called the "school phobia" when the child refuses to go to school. The same reaction on the first day of school is natural, but if it continues for a long time, or when it occurs suddenly, the child will require help.
Hyperactivity: Most mothers complain about their child who tires them by always being upto something. However, if your child also exhibits the following behaviours, do take it seriously. It includes:
* Have difficulty finishing any activity that requires concentration
* Don’t seem to listen to anything said to them
* Are excessively active - running or climbing at inappropriate times, squirming in or jumping out of their seats
* Are very easily distracted
* Talk incessantly, often blurting out responses before questions are finished
* Have serious difficulty waiting their turn in games or groups
Hyperactivity is more common in boys than in girls and often leads to low academic performance. It can also be exhibited only at home or only in school.
Depression: Like adults, children too undergo depression. In many cases, depression is expressed through irritable mood also. Parents must look out for the following symptoms:-
* A sudden drop in school performance
* Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
* Outbursts of shouting, complaining, unexplained irritability, or crying
* Expressions of fear or anxiety
* Aggression, refusal to cooperate, antisocial behavior
* Constant complaints of aching arms, legs, or stomach with no apparent cause
* Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
Juvenile Delinquency: Some children find it difficult to follow rules and behave according to norms, usually in cases of low income groups. The same reactions may also be shown by adolescents - facing the turmoil of psychological and physical changes and confused between the identity of a child and adult. Their inner conflict is reflected by:-
* Stealing
* Constantly lying
* Deliberately setting fires
* Skipping school
* Breaking into homes, offices, or cars
* Deliberately destroying others’ property
* Displaying physical cruelty to animals or humans
* Often starting fights
* Using weapons in fights
In India, such children usually run away from their homes to other cities and wander in railway stations or streets. They are put into Remand Homes by Police.
Most of the above reactions are the child's unconscious ways of drawing your attention. Treatment is available for all these problems and the child can resume its normal, healthy life. Thus, parenting is not at all easy. For your child's well-being, you must be alert and not only observe changes in behaviour but also provide the support and assistance.
REMEMBER: Children equate love with attention. Spend Quality Time with your children.
As these problems are psychological, contact a Clinical Psychologist or Counsellor
